I Deserve It
by Bulletproof Gunner
Summary: It has been three months since the final battle. Where has Billie been? A Phillie fic. WARNING for LANGUAGE.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: It has been three months since the final battle. Where has Billie been?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Charmed and I'm making no profit from this.**

"Tell me!"

"No."

_Crack._

Scream.

This pattern has been repeated for several days now. They like mixing it up, after three months torture gets repetitive.

"Tell me!" The hooded figure hissed.

"Never."

_Crack._

Scream.

The whip has opened up wounds that were beginning to heal. It was turning the delicate skin on her back into patchwork and still she won't tell them anything.

"Tell me."

It has gotten to the point where she can't handle the pain. She can't speak because of it. She has gotten to the point where she wants to tell him just to end it, but she can't, won't. As long as she's the only one getting hurt it doesn't matter.

_'I deserve it anyway.'_ A small voice in the back of her mind tells her.

"TELL ME!" He wants an answer so he'll get one. She shakes her head.

_Crack._

Scream.

_Crack._

Scream.

_Crack._

Scream.

_Crack._

Darkness.

It's better when she's pain stops, the torture stops. She can go to her happy place where no one is hurting her, a place where she doesn't need saving. For in dreams, she enters a world that is entirely her own. It's only a matter of time before she will wake and have to deal with the harsh truths of reality but for now, in her unconscious dreaming state, she can escape it all.

~o0o~

"She's a tough witch, I'll give her that." The hooded figure said as he stood over the unconscious blondes' battered body. He kicked her in the ribs breaking two of them.

"That'll sting like a bitch when she wakes." Another voice spoke from just outside the cage.

"Good. We've been doing this for three months when won't the stupid cow give in?!"

"She's protecting them."

"Why? They shunned her. She chose them over her sister and they left her. Kicked her out of their lives and never looked back. If it were you would you protect them?"

"No, but then if it were me they would all have a fire-ball to the back." The second demon said with a smirk on his face.

"So why won't she give in? It would stop all of this." The first demon was clearly angry and took it out on the small blonde again by stomping on her hand breaking at least one finger.

"Maybe she thinks she deserves it?"

"Why the fuck would she think that?"

"She chose her sister over the Charmed Ones. The people who helped her. She chose evil over them, maybe she isn't talking because she wants to be punished, maybe she thinks the only way to make it right, is this."

"Stupid humans with their fucked up logic and morals. Stupid bitch." The first demon said spitting at the ground near her.

"Let's go, you can continue this when she wakes."

~o0o~

"Billie open your eyes?" A soft voice called to her through the fog of her mind. Billie opened her eyes to see herself in what looked to be a beach.

"Where am I?" She asked turning around to see a women in a white dress smiling at her. "Who are you?"

"We are in your subconscious and I am Patty Halliwell."

"So you're Piper, Phoebe and Paige's' mum?"

"Yes dear." Patty said smiling.

"Why are you here?"

"To tell you that you are being ridiculous. You need to get out of their, you need to let someone help you."

"WHY?" Billie shouted. "I deserve it. I chose my evil sister over the side of good. I chose evil over your daughters! I tried to kill them! And then, then I killed my sister! The only family I had left and I KILLED HER! I DESERVE THIS! TO BE BEAT! TO BE KILLED WOULD BE TOO EASY I DESERVE TO BE TORTURED TO DEATH!" Billie took a deep breath in after her rant and looked out to the sea. Sighing she sat down in the sand and crossed her legs, Patty followed suit.

"No one deserves this. You made a mistake albeit a big one but so have many others. You just got your sister back, you didn't want to believe their was a chance she was working with the Triad. It is not your fault."

"Why are you here? Why do you even care?" Billie asked blinking away her tears.

"Because you need someone, Billie, you do. You need someone to hold you and tell you that this, this does not make your mistake go away. The only thing this does is ruin you, destroy you and in the end it will probably kill you."

"Maybe that's what I want." Billie said looking far away into the nothingness. "Maybe I want to die, be nothing and just not exist anymore. No one will miss me, heck I wouldn't miss me."

"People would miss you Billie, you have to realize that. Do you not think Paige would be distraught at loosing not only her first charge but her closest friend, do you not think Piper would miss your sarcastic comments whilst fighting demons and miss having someone to teach, someone who looks up to her and do you not think that if you died it would break Phoebe's heart when all she wants to do is fix you and go back to a time where you were all happy. They will miss you Billie."

"So what? They'd mourn for me for a little while I'd give 'em two weeks at tops before they go back to their happy lives and forget me. They should just forget me."

The peaceful beach scene suddenly turned a blinding white and then back.

"What was that?" Billie asked nervously.

"You're waking up. I'll be here when you come back Billie. Unfortunately I can't tell my daughters where you are until you realise that this is all for nothing."

"Looks like you'll never be able to tell them then." Billie said with a glad smile.

"I wouldn't be to sure about that Billie. I will see you shortly, think about everything I've said. You know in your heart it is true."

~o0o~

Billie opened her eyes and took a deep gulp of air which ended with her choking from the pain in her ribs.

"Your awake... finally. Are you going to tell me what I want to know?"

"No." Billie said defiantly.

"Very well." The demon made a low voltage energy ball and threw it at her. Billie bit her lip trying not to scream, it failed.

"Tell me you stupid cow!"

Billie took a shaky breath in. "No!"

The demon roared and threw energy ball after energy ball after energy ball at her. Screams tore out of Billie throat making her want to throw up. Due to the pain of the energy balls, the screams and the headache she is causing herself. Billie collapsed and landed face first into the dirt on the floor. The demon grabbed a handful of her hair and yanked her up.

"Just tell me what I want to know." He whispered into her ear, his hot sticky breath on her neck making her shudder and want to be sick.

"Tell me Billie and it will all be over." He purred into her ear. Billie closed her eyes tightly and shook her head. The demon kissed her neck.

"Come on Billie, you know what's going to happen Billie. Tell me and you can stop it all." Billie shook her head again and squeezed her eyes even tighter.

"Very well then." He said as he started to take of the remains of her once large and baggy top.

"Last chance to tell me." He said running his hands up and down her sides. Billie was crying now but still refused to make a sound, shaking her head one more time he realised she wasn't going to change her mind.

Two hours later Billie was alone in her cage. She tried to move herself so that her back was to the wall but the pain she felt soon stopped that. She managed to put her clothes back on and ignored all the blood coming from her. Curling up into a small ball Billie cried, hating herself for it. She hated how weak she was, hated that she was crying when she deserved this and hated herself for how dirty she felt. Sobbing hysterically she hated herself for the pain she felt in her ribs because she couldn't control herself. She hated herself for not being able to control her breath and making it too hard to breath. Her tiny form racking with sobs that looked like they could break her as she hyperventilated.

She willed herself to stop but her will power just wasn't strong enough, although she did manage to calm her breathing down and eventually she cried herself to sleep.

~o0o~

"Billie honey are you okay?" Patty asked. Billie was collapsed on the ground still crying.

"Billie what happened."

"I deserved it." Billie whispered.

"I promise you Billie whatever they did to you, you did not deserve it."

"It hurt, it hurt so much." Billie whispered. Patty sat on the ground next to Billie and pulled her into her lap. The young witch didn't fight it and let Patty stroke her hair whilst making shushing noises.

"Do you see it now Billie? You don't deserve this, nobody does."

"I do." Billie said quietly through her sobs.

"No honey, no you don't I wish you would see this so that it can all stop. Please, Billie, let me make this stop."

Billie who was still sobbing hysterically only shook her head in answer.

"They still care Billie." Patty whispered.

"How can they care if I don't? How can they not hate me when I hate myself? I deserve this. I do." She whispered the last part as if trying to convince herself.

"How much do you have to get hurt before you realise that you don't deserve any of this?"

They both sat in a relative silence only broken by Billie's soft sobs, staring at the dark sky of Billie's happy beach, that seems to hold no happiness for her. She closed her eyes and could still feel his hands all over her, feel what he did to her, feel the horrible pain she felt throughout the torturous act. She quickly opened her eyes in a panic only to have Patty quickly comfort her.

"I want it to stop, but I deserve it. I know I do."

"No Billie, you don't please understand that. You don't deserve to be hurt no child does, and yes Billie you are still a child you need to be looked after please Billie think about it. You. Do. Not. Deserve. This." She told her punctuating each word.

"I do. I do. I do." Billie repeated more to herself than to Patty. Before everything went a blinding white and Billie woke up.

**A/N: So how did you like it?**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I got the poem from here it is not mine doc/4381614/Poetry-Poem-on-Torture-Torture-**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing! :(**

"Talk bitch!" The demon roared at Billie after smacking her head into a wall. A wall covered in Billie's blood, just as the floor was. Billie's clothes used to be covered in blood but they had become so ripped that she was just wearing scraps of material that covered nothing so now she wore nothing. Easier for them to do whatever they want to her then.

"Why must you fucking protect them you stupid fucking whore?!" He screamed at her again knee-ing her in the face effectively breaking her nose making her lose more blood. A second demon walked in and threw a paper plate at the floor just in front of her.

"Eat it bitch."

Billie shook her head.

"Eat it or starve." He said before both demons left her alone. She already had a drink with her and as much as she didn't want to eat the food provided she was incredibly hungry. Forcing herself to eat some of what was on her plate. They only gave her enough food so she didn't starve, but her stomach had shrunk since being down in the underworld so she didn't even need all of that. After seven mouthfuls of the watery, disgusting soup (well at least Billie hoped it was soup) she was done. She knew they wouldn't come back in for a while, thankfully, but Billie tried not to sleep now. She was so afraid that Patty would convince her that this punishment was ridiculous. It was she knew that, it wasn't enough, she deserved worse. But exhaustion won over and Billie's eye lids were become to heavy and no amount of fighting stopped them from drooping, it took thirteen seconds for her to fall asleep. Pitiful I know.

~o0o~

Billie sighed as she sat down on her beach. It was always sunrise here, she wondered why but that wasn't really important now was it?

"Hello Billie." Patty said as she sat down next to her.

"Hey."

"I remember hearing a poem about torture would you like to hear it?"

"Not particularly, but I have nothing else to do and no where else to be so shoot." Billie said as she laid down in the soft sand.

"They made me sit on ugly bare current chair,  
Clasped my hands with rusty iron wire,  
Strangled my neck with metal plaster,  
Dragged my feet in boiling effluent,  
Tore my scalp with steel toothed combs,  
Pierced my nail in halves with knife,  
Coated my face with acidic tar,  
Broke my nose with gruesome fist blows,  
Stitched my lips with needle and thread,  
Engraved designs on flesh with rusty pins,  
Severed bunch of veins with carpenter saw,  
Divested me of water for long hours,  
Enclosed my face in jute bags,  
Containing an army of African wild rat,  
Whipped me with leather skin dipped in salt curry,  
Unclothed me in the chilly night,  
Sprayed obnoxious petrol with large hose-pipes,  
Punctured my features to look like a ghost,  
Left me hanging in dangling chains,  
In dilapidated comforts of crumbling roof,  
I then lost faith in the reigning creator,  
Who put blood in my flesh,  
Pumped oxygen in my chest,  
Which now converted into complete shambles,  
Agony groans echoing through walls of confinement,  
My eyes finally closed in submission,  
Ending the ordeal,  
Sealing bleeding pores of my body."

"Well that was chirpy." Billie said sarcastically from her position with her eyes closed.

"How many of those things have happened to you Billie?" Patty asked softly.

Billie sighed and counted them in her head. "Eleven." She continued quietly.

"And are you not done yet? Do you not think that this is enough. Please Billie the sisters are worried about you. I'm worried about you. You look worse each time you come here. You look exhausted and beat, your eyes have no life in them, your face is showing no emotion and your posture looks like you've given in."

"I have given in I'm going to die down here." Billie said with such conviction it made Patty's heart break.

"You don't have to."

"I do."

"No Bille, you really don't." Patty sighed. "Remember when Phoebe chose Cole over her sisters?" She asked. Billie nodded. "Did Phoebe deserve this?"

"No, Phoebe made a mistake she loved Cole." Billie said quickly defending the middle Halliwell sister.

"Then why do you deserve this? You chose your sister, the sister whom you loved."

"I killed her that's why!"

"Phoebe helped kill Cole."

"But my sister was human! I killed her! I'm dirty, worthless, disgusting and I deserve this for killing my sister and betraying your daughters!"

"But Phoebe situation was just like this one." Patty pressed on.

"It's different."

"Why?"

"It just is." Billie replied defiantly.

"Even you must hear how bad your argument is Billie. You need to realise you don't deserve this torture before it kills you." Both women were silent after that, Billie not knowing what to say and Patty knowing to not say anything more hoping beyond hope that Billie would soon see sense.

After another half an hour there was a blinding flash of bright white light and Billie began to sob.

"Please, I don't want to go back."

"Billie you don't have to." Patty said quickly grabbing the younger girls hand who was beginning to panic.

"I do." Billie said between harsh sobs and then she disappeared.

~o0o~

"Wake up you stupid cow!" Said a demon throwing a bucket of freezing cold water over the naked blondes battered, bruised and bloody body. Billie screamed in shock and started to shiver.

"Tell me everything you know about the Charmed ones." The demon demanded.

"I'd rather die."

"Killing you would be too easy, this is much more fun. NOW TELL ME!" He screamed at her.

Billie shook her head.

"So be it." The demon said as he unbuckled his belt. Once the belt was removed he used it to smack Billie across the face.

"Are you going to tell me?" Billie remained silent. "I'm starting to think you enjoy this." He said as he advanced on the tormented girl with a predatory grin on his face.

Billie closed her eyes as tight as she could she didn't want to see what was happening, she could hear it, she could feel it, was that not enough? She could feel his hot sticky breathe near her ear and that in itself nearly made her throw up. She wished she could be back in her dorm room, or her room at the condo she shared with Phoebe but she didn't deserve that. She knew it, the demons knew it the only reason Patty was here was because the side of good just had to intervene didn't they? Well they won't win.

The demon got up of off Billie and left her alone. She opened her eyes slowly, suddenly wishing she didn't. There was a lot of blood and Billie threw the little she had in her stomach up. Soon enough she was just dry heaving which was making her throat hurt much more then it would if she was hydrated.

Billie looked down at her black and blue body in disgust. She was so skinny that she could make out each individual rib and when she put her legs together there was a gap between her thighs. Her face was pale and sunken her cheeks bones sticking out made her look deathly, her hair was matted with blood and sweat and she just felt gross, but then three months of torture would do that to someone wouldn't it.

She found herself wondering how the Charmed One's were, if they had the demon free life that they craved or if they were stuck fighting the next big bad? She often found herself thinking about the sisters hoping beyond hope that they were okay.

Billie was sure she would be crying if she wasn't so dehydrated. They'd bring her some water soon, they wanted to kill her not let her die from such trivial things. They wanted to torture her to death and Billie wasn't about to stop them.

She was mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted and she was beginning to wish the demons ended it quickly, she couldn't survive like this anymore but then she deserved it didn't she?

_' is right I don't deserve this. I deserve to be hurt but this, this is taking it too far. I can't go back though, they'll try to save me but I don't deserve to be saved do I?_ Billie shook her head confused by her thoughts. Half of her was saying she deserved all of this but the other half was telling her she was being stupid and to let Patty tell the sisters where she was.

"How are you little witch?" A demon asked the same one who was in the room earlier.

"Not talking? That's fine. Drink your fucking water and I'll be back real soon." He told her putting a wooden mug on the floor in front of her before retreating. Billie moved as slow as she could manage to get her drink and gulped it down slowly too. She'd learnt her lesson the first time she got so thirsty then drank the water in one go, it didn't help her at all and she ended up still thirsty. The small mug of water was soon finished and Billie was slightly less thirsty now.

Backing herself into a corner in the back of the cage, Billie put her knees up and rested her head on them. Tears slowly fell from her eyes as she tried to cry calmly so as not to hurt herself anymore than she already was. Every shaky breath she took hurt her broken and bruised ribs.

_'Maybe I should leave, start redemption. Being stuck down here means I can't make anything right. I can be saved and leave. I don't have to stay with the sisters, they won't want me anyway. I should get out of here and hunt down demons, destroy them. Take as many down with me as I can.'_

Steadying her breath and stopping herself crying Billie closed her eyes and tried to sleep.

"Wakey wakey witch." A voice sounded from the front of the cage. Billie didn't look up she just kept her eyes closed and begged sleep to come. The demon realising she wasn't going to acknowledge him conjured up a low voltage energy ball and threw it at her right leg. A torturous scream erupted from Billie's throat as her hands flew down to inspect the damage. He lit up another one and threw it at her stomach. Another pain filled scream left Billie mouth as tears flew freely down her face, which was scrunched up in pain. Her breath was short and ragged and every inch of her was hurting.

Thirteen energy balls later and Billie had passed out, welcoming her inner sanctuary once again.

~o0o~

"Billie." Patty greeted her.

"I want out. I don't like it. I want to be saved. Please don't make me go back there." Billie said quickly trying to keep her voice from breaking.

"Okay Billie." Patty told her smiling. She pulled Billie into a hug. "As soon as you wake up I'll tell the sisters where you are. You won't get hurt anymore Billie." Patty whispered soothingly into her ear. She said it with such conviction that Billie's legs buckled and Patty had to guide them slowly to the floor so that Billie could continue her break down.

"Don't make me go back." Billie kept whispering over and over dropping the strong façade that she had up. Since she had been captured Billie hid her emotions the demons laughed when they saw her break so she hid it all, refusing to let the demons win, which usually led them to become very angry.

"As soon as you wake up Billie I will tell the sisters. They'll come and save you, you'll be safe again."

Billie body shook with the shear strength of her sobs and Patty found herself wondering how broken the young girl was and just what the demons had been doing to her. Shaking the thoughts from her head she knew she didn't want to know. She had been there for about three and a half months now. The poor girl had survived more than most and was now only just begging to be saved. She also found herself wondering if Billie would've broke if she hadn't come down and talked some sense into her.

_'Probably not.' _Patty thought. She knew Billie was certainly stubborn. Patty stroked Billie's hair and made hushing noises. Maternal instincts took over every time the blonde and her met.

"Billie you will be safe soon. I promise." A flash of blinding white and Billie was gone.

~o0o~

Two demons were in the cage with Billie. One was kicking her in the stomach and the other was throwing low voltage energy balls at the back of her body. Billie would scream if her throat wasn't so sore. They were coming to get her. She'd be out of there soon. Safe.

_Crack!._

_'When the fuck did they bring the whip in?!'_ Billie thought to herself.

_Crack._

"Tell us you stupid whore. I swear to fucking god if you don't tell us this will all look like child's play!" The first demon screamed at her.

Billie laughed. _'Yup I've gone insane now.'_ She thought

_Crack._

_Crack._

_Crack._

_Crack._

The second demon was still throwing energy balls at her back at the same time as the whip would hit her stomach. The pain was unbearable and Billie wasn't sure how she was surviving it.

_Crack._

_Crack._

_Crack._

The whip hit the same place each time and Billie couldn't help but scream. She hated it when she screamed, it showed weakness in her opinion, it showed the demons that they were winning.

_'Where are they?'_ Billie thought _'I knew they wouldn't come who would want to save me? I'm worthless.'_

Billie heard a scream and she was certain that it didn't come from her, confused she opened her eyes to see the demon with the whip get vanquished. The demon who was throwing energy balls managed to throw another one at her before he got vanquished. This energy ball was at full power but missed any vital body part and hit her thigh. Billie let out a blood curdling scream as it hit her.

"Billie." Three voices said as they ran towards her.

"Paige orb. Now." A voice commanded.

"Phoebe?" Billie asked confused. They were here, they'd come to get her. _'They can't have it's a trick. I won't fall for it.'_

"Ssh Billie you'll be fine soon." Phoebe told her before Paige orbed them to the Manor.

**A/N: So Billie has been saved. Yay. Hope you all enjoyed it, please review.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews, favourites and alerts guys! They really make me smile. So I hope you enjoy the new chapter. Now on with the story! **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

The Charmed one's were in the living room of the Manor house, after they got Billie out of the underworld Paige tried to heal her. She managed to heal most of the young girls wounds but she still had some deep lacerations on her back, probably from being whipped but they weren't deep enough to need stitches thank god. Now Billie was in the spare room asleep, she had been asleep since Paige orbed them out.

"Three and a half months." Paige said in a disbelieving voice. Piper came into the room with three coffee's.

"I wonder what they wanted." She said setting the coffee's down.

"I want to know how she survived." Paige said. "She must've gone through hell."

Piper opened her mouth to continue the conversation but was cut of by a blood curdling scream, coming from Billie's room. Phoebe was the first person up and was already half way up the stairs by the time her sisters hit the bottom step.

By the time Piper and Paige got in the room, Phoebe was comforting the broken blonde trying to wake her up. She had started bleeding again from all the thrashing around her nightmare was causing.

"Billie? Honey you need to wake up." Phoebe told her frantically gripping hold of her shoulders and trying to hold her still. Billie's eyes flew open and looked in every direction in a panic. Her breath was coming out short and uneven and she showed no sign of calming down soon.

"Sweetie your safe now." Paige told her walking slowly into the room, Piper half a step behind. Billie stared at the wall ahead of her, not crying, not talking or reacting, not doing anything. Which scared the sisters, a lot.

"Billie?" Piper asked hesitantly and reached out and touched her shoulder, Billie screamed and threw herself of the bed and backed herself into the corner of the room.

"Billie?" Paige asked taking a small step towards her in which Billie reacted by moving further into her corner and making herself smaller, which Paige didn't think was possible.

Phoebe slowly walked towards the young blonde trying to keep her tears at bay, Billie needed her to be strong. "Billie, sweetie it's okay. No one here is going to hurt you." Phoebe said as she touched Billie's arm, Billie flinched but didn't back away or scream which Phoebe took as a good thing. "Billie, honey, you need to get back in the bed and let me re-bandage your wounds. Is that okay?"

Billie nodded and allowed Phoebe to take her back to the bed. Piper handed Phoebe the things to clean and re-bandage Billie's wounds and Phoebe got on with it. It was a relatively silent apart from an occasional gasp from Billie and a murmured apology from Phoebe. When her wounds were cleaned Billie moved onto her back and soon fell back to sleep she was completely exhausted. Phoebe was holding Billie and when she realised Billie was asleep tried to get out of the bed but Billie gripped onto her tighter not letting her leave.

"You guys go to bed." Phoebe whispered. "I'll stay with her tonight."

"Okay. Good night." Piper said.

"I'm going to go home. I'll be back first thing in the morning." Paige informed her sisters before orbing out.

Phoebe got herself comfortable in the bed, settling herself in for what she knew was going to be a long night. Smiling to herself as she felt Billie move closer into herself she closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.

~o0o~

_"C'mon Billie, scream for me." The voice demanded, Billie bit her bottom lip to keep from screaming. Her body was going through absolute agony, currently she had shock bracelets on 50,000 volts coursing through her body, yet she still refused to scream. She was telling herself that tasting her own blood would be better than giving this demon satisfaction. Her body was thrashing around, she couldn't control it and it disgusted her._

_"Oh c'mon baby, scream for me. I love it when you scream." He hissed at her stepping towards her and kicking her in the face splitting her lip, but still Billie refused to scream. It took all of her strength but she managed it. He hit the button and shocked Billie again. Billie bit her already bleeding lower lip to keep her scream in. Focusing on the dull pain from her lip instead she managed to hold back her scream._

_"Now, now Billie I'm gonna give you a choice. I can get the whip out, or you can just tell me what I need to know. Which is it?"_

_Billie took a shuddery breath in and looked the demon straight in the eye. "I'll tell you what you want to know when every demon in the underworld is vanquished." Billie told him in a steady, strong voice which sounded more confident and calm then she really was._

_"As you wish." The demon said with a glint of pleasure shining in his eyes which made Billie shudder. "Get me the whip!" He ordered someone who Billie could not and did not want to see._

_Crack!_

_Billie screamed, she couldn't hold it back. She knew it, the demons knew it. As the tears streamed down Billie's face she tried to control herself._

_Crack!_

_Again the she heard the whip noise resonate before she actually felt it. The sharp, fiery pain that was completely unbearable and that no human should ever have to go through. A pain no one should be able to survive, but Billie was managing it... barely._

_Crack!_

_The pain it would seem wasn't killing her, she wished it would, but it wasn't. There was only one thing she was glad of. That this was happening to her and no one else, at least whilst these demons were focused on her they were not out there killing innocents._

_Crack!_

_Scream._

_Crack!_

_Scream._

_Crack!_

_"Billie wake up."_

_Scream._

_"Billie come on honey wake up?"_

_Scream_

_"Come on Billie. It's me. It's Phoebe wake up sweetie. Come on."_

~o0o~

Billie eyes shot open and she shot up in the bed. Her chest was rising and falling dramatically and her breathing was laboured. She was covered in a sheen layer of cold sweat, she could barely feel the hands of someone on her shoulders and the voice telling her it was okay seemed like a faint whisper, when it reality the women comforting her was nearly shouting it at her.

Some of her wounds had opened up due to her thrashing about and the once white bed sheet was now becoming a horrible red that would definitely leave a stain.

"Billie?" A hesitant voice asked. Billie didn't respond, she didn't even look like she heard the voice which frightened the three sisters who were now in the room. Phoebe was trying to get Billie's attention but the young girl just wasn't responding, her eyes were misted over and she wasn't moving from her position.

"Billie?" Phoebe asked again with a little more certainty, she reached out to place a strong, comforting hand on her shoulder but Billie flinched and tried to throw herself to the opposite side of the room.

Piper took a step further into the room and then slowly started to walk towards the terrified girl. "Billie honey I'm going to have to re-bandage your wounds okay? I'll be quick and I won't hurt you. I promise, but I need to fix it okay?"

Billie didn't respond but when Piper touched her and she didn't try to escape she took that as a good sign and as quickly as she could re-bandaged and cleaned the young blondes many wounds.

"There you go sweetie." Piper said moving back around Billie so the terrified girl could see her, not that it mattered much seen as though Billie was looking into her own lap refusing to acknowledge the sisters.

"Are you hungry Billie?" Paige asked. Billie shook her head quickly. "Thirsty?" After what seemed like an eternity Billie nodded, still not looking at anyone. "Okay honey, I'll be back with a glass of water in a second." Paige told her as she backed out of the room, she thought about orbing but didn't want to scare Billie. A couple of minutes later Paige entered the still very silent room to find no one had moved since she'd left.

"Here you go Billie." Paige said softly handing Billie a pint glass full of water. Billie slowly took the glass and looked at it. She slowly moved it to her lips and drank from the cup even slower. The whole process took just under ten minutes. Once she was done Phoebe from her place still beside Billie took the glass and placed it on the bedside table.

"Billie can you talk?" Piper asked. This seemed to be the wrong thing to say. Billie started to breathe very quickly and unevenly as she scrunched her eyes up and cowered into herself as if to make herself a smaller target. The three sisters looked at each other quickly in worry before moving into action.

Piper and Paige went upstairs to the attic to make a sleeping potion for the young witch who looked and felt completely exhausted whilst Phoebe stayed and tried to comfort Billie, without touching her, which was an extremely difficult thing to do. By the time her sisters came down Phoebe had somehow managed to get Billie's breathing back to normal. Piper handed Phoebe the potion who turned her full attention back onto the broken blonde.

"Billie." She said hesitantly. "I need you to drink this." She said whilst pointing to the purple potion, she was not however expecting the poor girl to freak out. Badly. As soon as her attention was bought to the vial Billie threw herself out of the bed and into the corner of the bedroom. Bringing her knees up to her chest, wrapping her hands around her legs and putting her head on her knees she started to rock back and forth, whispering something that only she could Charmed ones shared a startled and scared look before Phoebe slowly walked over to the terrified girl.

"Billie honey, I promise it won't hurt you. We would never hurt you._ I_ would never hurt you, it will just help you fall to sleep honey, a peaceful sleep. I promise it won't hurt." Billie took a shaky breath in, she'd stopped mumbling to herself now and was only rocking a little bit. "Billie I promise this won't hurt. Do you trust us? Do you trust me?" Phoebe asked her, she barely even heard the blondes reply. If she hadn't been straining her hearing she would have missed the whispered yes. Slowly un-curling herself Billie looked at Phoebe and nodded.

Taking her hand Phoebe led the girl back to the bed and put her in it. Making sure she was comfortable, she unscrewed the vial and put it to the blondes lips. Taking the potion in one gulp Billie fell asleep as soon as her head touch the pillow. "How long should her peaceful sleep last?" She asked her sisters.

"It should last her up until about ten in the morning." Piper said looking at the clock and seeing it say midnight. "Well I'm going back to bed. Shout if you need anything." With good nights said all around the Charmed ones left to go and get some peaceful sleep of their own.

**A/N: So how'd you like it?**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews guys! Hope you enjoy this chapter!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Charmed.**

The sun was peeking through a tiny gap from the curtains illuminating Billie's broken, pale face. Phoebe had been watching the younger women since she woke up, an hour ago, it was clear she was having a disturbing dream, she was whimpering slightly, biting her dry, cracked lips and moving her head a little bit, but try as she might Phoebe couldn't get the younger girl to wake up. '_Stupid potion.'_ Phoebe thought. _'Peaceful sleep my arse and now I can't even wake her up. A_ light knock on the door pulled Phoebe out of her musings.

"Come in." She whispered, the door opened and revealed Paige.

"How is she?"

"She's having a nightmare but I can't wake her up." Phoebe told her sighing and sitting up. "I don't want to leave her in case she wakes up and freaks out."

"I can stay with her if you want to get a shower and something to eat." Paige offered. Phoebe was torn, she really didn't want to leave the blondes' side but she knew she would be of no use if she didn't take care of herself. Smiling to Paige, Phoebe accepted her younger sisters offer.

~o0o~

_Billie's broken, battered body was curled up, the poor girl couldn't make herself any smaller if she tried. The whip was out and was crashing into her back. It was as if Billie wasn't in her own body, she could hear herself screaming but didn't recognise it as her own, she could hear the whip crashing into her back before she felt the fiery, unbearable pain, she could hear the demons sick, manic laughter after every crack and scream. But she wouldn't give in, she'd rather die._

_"You're such a pretty girl Billie, it's such a shame we have to mar your body with these scars." The demon attempted to sound sorry but she knew he wasn't. She knew he was also didn't care, she no longer cared about herself, they could kill her and it wouldn't faze her. She already knew she was going to die in this hell._

_"No matter how many scars I give you your still hot, I still want to fuck you." He said with a sick grin on his face. His eyes had darkened with lust and looked practically black. Billie whimpered, she tried not to look terrified but knew it wasn't working she was going to be raped. This was worse then death._

_The demon slammed his lips onto Billie's in an aggressive way, claiming her. He bit her lower lip hard enough to draw blood before sucking it off. "Tasty." He murmured as he toyed with the bottom of her tank top, ripping it off her viciously his hands trailed across her torso. Billie couldn't move, she was frozen in fear. All she could think about was this was it. He was going to make her, filthy, dirty, disgusting, worthless nothing more than a whore. She would hate herself now even more than before._

_He slowly pulled her leggings down and Billie bit her bottom lip and slammed her eyes shut, as if that would stop it. She could feel his hands on her body, his hot sticky breath making her want to throw up._

_"NO!" She screamed. Not being able to stop herself as he continued his torture. "NO! Get out of me! Stop please! NO!" Billie screamed, begged, pleaded but all this did was make the demon get more rough, hurt her more, make her want to die!_

_~o0o~_

"NO!" Paige jumped in shock at the outburst from Bille. "NO! Get out of me! Stop! Please! NO!" By the time Billie finished her outburst Phoebe and Piper had run into room.

"NO! NO! GET OUT OF ME! PLEASE! STOP! STOP! STOP!"

"Oh god is she? Are they?" Piper tried to ask but couldn't get the word out.

"GET OUT OF ME!"

"Yes." Paige whispered.

"Billie wake up. Sweetie you're safe here you're safe. Just open your eyes, you are safe here. I promise you. Open them Billie. Wake up." Phoebe begged pulling the terrified but still sleeping blonde into her arms. "Come back to me Billie. Wake up." She whispered so only the blonde could hear quickly opened her eyes and panicked, she could feel someone touching her and immediately stiffened.

"It's okay Billie, it's just me. I won't hurt you. I promise." These words broke Billie's resolve and the young girl crumbled, finally breaking down. Tears cascaded down her cheeks and her whole body shook violently. Phoebe pulled the broken girl close to her and whispering sweet nothings to comfort her.

"I'll go get something for you to eat." Piper said to Billie but the blonde didn't hear her over her violent sobs. Phoebe continued to stroke the young girls hair and whisper comforting words but she didn' take her eyes of Paige, both of whom were trying desperately not to cry themselves.

"Don't let him hurt me." Bille begged. "Please make him stop. I... can't... stop please... I... I stop him... please." Billie whispered through her tears.

"I won't let him hurt you Billie. I won't let anyone hurt you ever again." Phoebe said forcefully.

"Please. I don't want to be dirty anymore."

"You are not dirty honey. None of this is your fault." Phoebe told her still looking at Paige and now Piper who had just walked through the door. "Sweetie, Piper has bought you a sandwich do you think you could eat it for me?" She asked as if talking to a three-year-old. Billie sniffed and nodded slightly. Piper handed Phoebe the plate and Phoebe laid it on the bed in front of the blonde.

Slowly and tentatively Billie reached out for the sandwich as if expecting someone to move it away from her and beat her for going for it. Picking it up she glanced at the sisters before moving to take a small bite. After three small bites she put the sandwich back on the plate and looked down at her lap.

"What's wrong Billie?" Piper asked her.

"Not hungry." Billie said so softly that the other three occupants of the room could barely hear her. The Charmed one's all exchanged a confused look. All noticing how skinny the young adult looked.

"I can make something else if you don't like the sandwich." Piper offered from her place at the foot of the bed.

"I'm full. Thank you it was very nice." Billie said still avoiding eye contact. Paige nodded knowingly and motioned to her sisters to meet her in the hallway. After excusing themselves they followed Paige.

"Is this about why she won't eat?" Phoebe asked clearly worried.

Paige nodded. "She hasn't eaten properly in so long her stomach has shrunk. I don't want to think about how often she ate if three bites, well they barely even count as bites, fills her up."

"I'm going to see if I can get her to eat some more." Phoebe said walking back towards the room.

"Okay. I've got a new charge so call if you need me." Paige informed her sisters before orbing out.

"I'll be downstairs with the boys. I'll come up with some water for her soon." And with that Piper walked downstairs. Taking a deep breath Phoebe calmed herself down, she couldn't break down now. Billie needed her to be strong.

"Billie sweetie?" Phoebe asked tentatively as she sat down on the bed. "Do you think you could do another two bites for me?" Billie looked up at her like she was crazy. Asking her to eat. _'Eating gets me beat.'_ Billie thought to herself. _'She's tricking you into eating so that she can hurt you. Phoebe. This is Phoebe, she wouldn't hurt me... would she? No. Yes. Maybe. Ugh I don't know.'_ Billie's thoughts were running through her so quickly she thought she was going to be sick.

"I-I can't" She faltered.

"Okay honey, we can just get a bit more sleep if you want?" Billie nodded and as Phoebe moved the plate away she laid herself down onto the bed. Phoebe moved in next to her and was thoroughly shocked when Billie scooted into her and fisted her tank top._ 'It's just for comfort.'_ Both witches thought before drifting off to sleep.

Piper came up a few hours later with two glasses of fresh orange juice and a plate full of sandwiches for Phoebe and Billie to share. Easing the door open she saw the two younger women curled into each other, Billie resting her head on Phoebe's chest, fisting her vest top, Phoebe with her arms wrapped around the younger girl as if protecting her from the world, her face buried in Billie's hair with a content smile on her face. Piper thought about taking a picture but quickly decided against it, Billie would have enough reminders about this horrendous time she didn't need photographic evidence. Piper walked over to Phoebe deciding to wake her up first so as not to freak Billie out.

"Pheebs wake up, I've got food." She said quietly into the middle sisters ear. Phoebe moaned but snuggled further into Billie. "Pheebs wakey wakey." Phoebe slowly opened her eyes and smiled when she saw Billie. Turning her head slightly she saw Piper.

"Hey." She said her voice thick with sleep.

"Good afternoon." Piper replied with a knowing smile on her face. "I've got some snacks for you two to share. I let you deal with Billie just text me when you're done and I'll come back for the tray." And with that Piper left the room and went back downstairs to her sons and husband. Phoebe turned her attention back to the blonde in her arms who looked so small and broken in her sleep, a frown marring her perfect face.

"Billie honey, wake up." Billie whispered managing to get one hand free and stroke the girls face. _'Waking up like this every morning would be perfect.'_ Phoebe thought. _'No Phoebe you can't think like that, she has just been tortured. Do you get that? TORTURED! Keep your feelings to yourself at least until she's better.'_

"Billie?" Billie scrunched her eyes and nose up in the most adorable way making Phoebe's heart skip a beat and Billie tightened her hold on Phoebe's top, before opening her eyes and looking into the empathic witch's eyes. "Hey honey. Piper bought us something to eat. Do you want some?" Billie didn't answer Phoebe straight away she just looked into her eyes, as if she was searching for something, anything. After a few seconds that seemed to last an eternity in Phoebe's opinion Billie finally found what she was looking for. Removing herself from Phoebe's clutches and letting go of her top she sat herself up and nodded.

"We have ham or cheese, what kind do you want?" Phoebe said looking at the large array of sandwiches her older sister had prepared for them.

Billie swallowed thickly and Phoebe passed her a glass of orange juice which Billie took gratefully and drank all of it as quickly as she could. "Thanks." Billie managed to get out.

Phoebe smiled. "So what do you want?"

"Ham please." Phoebe nodded and handed Billie a triangle ham sandwich and watched her take her first small bite before getting herself a cheese one. After eating half of her sandwich Billie had enough and went to put it down on the tray.

"Honey could you please try to finish that. I know you're full but if you don't eat properly you'll get ill." Phoebe gave Billie a look pleading with the girl to get her to finish the halve sandwich. Taking a deep breath in Billie brought the sandwich back to her mouth and forced herself to finish it off.

It took Billie five minutes to force herself to eat the rest of her dinner and now she was trying to ignore how her stomach felt. She could feel it churning, feel the acid rising. She knew she was going to throw up but she was trying to last as long as she could. Phoebe was still eating her dinner but she wasn't really paying attention to what she was doing, she was watching Billie intensely.

Suddenly Billie launched herself of off the bed and into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her she emptied the little contents of her stomach into the toilet. It didn't take long until she was dry heaving. Phoebe had followed her in and held her hair back as she emptied herself into the porcelain bowl. Billie rested her hot, sweaty, clammy forehead on the cold toilet welcoming the coolness.

"Come on sweetie lets get you into some different PJ's and get you back into bed." Billie didn't answer just let Phoebe pull her up and into the bedroom. Phoebe left the room and went downstairs whilst Billie got re-dressed. She returned with a bowl of cold water and a flannel.

When Phoebe came back into the room Billie was wearing baggy sweat pants and a baggy top and was already back in bed. Phoebe walked into the room and sat on the edge of the bed. Getting the flannel from the bowl and ringing it out she placed it carefully on Billie's forehead.

"This should cool you down a bit." She said quietly biting her bottom lip in worry. Billie smiled her thanks before closing her eyes and drifting off to sleep.

**A/N: So how did you like this chapter?**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Warning for self-harm.**

_"Phoebe?" Billie asked scanning the darkness that was surrounding her. "Phoebe are you there?" The room suddenly lit up revealing two demons and the bodies of Piper, Phoebe and Paige._

_"Thank you for telling us how to kill The Charmed ones Billie. It really was easy." The first demon said smugly smiling at her whilst she stared at the bodies in shock._

_"N-no." She stuttered. "I didn't tell you anything. I didn't. I protected them. I protected them." She whispered to herself. Snapping out of her daze she charged at the demons with her fists curled up into balls. Slamming her fist into the first demons face she was surprised when he just laughed at her._

_"That the worst you got bitch?" He taunted whilst his friend pulled her away from him and tied her to the wall. "They suffered y'know? Oh boy did they suffer... but not as badly as you will." He smiled sickenly at her, his hungry eyes roaming across her body. "Your worthless Billie, pathetic, stupid, a whore, you'd be better off dead. You should be dead. Why aren't you? They saved you didn't they? And you paid them back how? You got them killed."_

_The demon opened his hand and conjured an energy ball into his palm, hurling it at Billie his eyes lit up with childish glee at Billie's tortured scream. The second demon handed him a knife and the first demon jumped up and down giddily._

_"This will be fun." He said grinning like a child on christmas. Walking slowly towards Billie he plunged the knife into her hand. The scream sent a shiver of pleasure down his spine. Taking the knife to her thigh the demon carved the word 'WORTHLESS' harshly into her skin and watched as the blood slowly trickled down her leg. Billie had stopped screaming and thrashing about now, she just hung there, waiting for death._

Billie shot up and looked around her surroundings she saw the clocks' red numbers illuminate the room saying 3:23, she saw Phoebe asleep next to her which proved her dream wasn't real. Slowly getting out of the bed Billie walked towards the attic, taking a deep, steady breath in she opened the door and quickly began searching for something.

It wasn't long before she found what she was looking for. An athame. Gripping the weapon tightly, so tightly her knuckles were turning white, she walked back out of the attic and into the bathroom of Phoebe's room. Quickly locking the door behind her before turning the light on. Pulling her sweat pants down, Billie sat crossed legged on the floor staring, glaring at her thigh, already hating herself for what she was about to do.

Running the athame across her thigh lightly as to not cut herself the first couple of times, she finally got the courage to carve, roughly but not deeply, the word _'WORTHLESS'_ just as she had seen in her dream. Letting her new wound leak blood a little before grabbing some toilet roll and pressing it lightly at first, then harder to feel more pain she stemmed the flow of blood and before long it stopped. Hiding the athame behind the toilet in a spot she knew no one would find it, she finished cleaning herself before she put her bottoms back on and went back into the bedroom.

Quietly making her way across the room as to not wake Phoebe she climbed back into bed wincing slightly as the quilt brushed her self inflicted wound. As soon as her head touched the pillow Phoebe moved into Billie and threw her arm around the broken girls waste. Billie blinked back her tears, yes she was ashamed with herself for giving in and causing herself more pain but she finally felt free. The pain she had suffered through had been pushed further and further down as well as the guilt she felt over her betrayal. Letting a single tear fall down her cheek Billie sucked in a deep breath to get control over her emotions again. Closing her eyes Billie fell into her first peaceful sleep in god knows how long.

When Phoebe woke up the first thing she realised was she was spooning Billie and her heart flooded with love. She finally had Billie back, granted the younger witch didn't know how she felt but that didn't matter, the only thing that mattered now was that Billie was in her arms, in her bed, safe and sound, not even having a nightmare. Phoebe lifted her head slightly so she could see the clock, 5:13, she didn't have to do anything today, apart from look after Billie but she would do that every day without hesitation. Laying herself back down she snuggled up closer to Billie and let out a contented sigh, her head buried into the crook of the blondes neck.

_'I love you Billie.'_ Phoebe thought. _'I can't say it out loud yet, not until you're better but I do. I love you Billie Jenkins.' _Billie moaned in her sleep and turned around so that she was facing Phoebe her hand found Phoebe's top and once again Phoebe found the young girl had fisted her top. _'Must bring her comfort. Or maybe it's to make sure I stay. Who cares I could stay like this forever it's practically heaven.'_ Phoebe was brought out of her internal musings when Billie moved her head onto her chest and moved her body impossibly close. Billie had an adorable look on her face that made Phoebe smile a 1000 watt smile, which only got bigger when Billie's thumb found it's way into her mouth. _'She's so much like a child sometimes. I don't understand it, how can someone go through what she has gone through, seen what she has seen and still keep some kind of childish innocence?'_ Phoebe was genuinely confused by that, she knew that if she had lost her parents as Billie had, if she had been tricked into betrayal, if she had to kill her sister and if she had been tortured she wouldn't be able to go on. She knew that and that was another reason she fell deeper in love with Billie because of how strong she was, because even though the demons had tried their hardest to break her, get her to tell them something. She didn't and one day Phoebe was going to make Billie tell her everything that had happened to her in the underworld. If it was all in one go or in little bits at a time, Phoebe needed to know, for herself and so she could help Billie.

Phoebe watched as Billie scrunched up her eyes before slowly opening them, blinking once, twice, three times she slowly smiled at Phoebe. Before she had been tortured she would've made some wise ass comment like _'You know it's rude to stare?'_ but Billie didn't trust anymore, she couldn't anything and everything had been a reason to hit her she just couldn't take that risk anymore. She didn't want anymore pain. So she just avoided eye contact and subtly moved away from Phoebe, not enough that the older girl noticed but enough that Billie felt safe.

"Good morning." Phoebe greeted her in a quiet, loving voice. "Did you sleep okay?" Billie was glad Phoebe couldn't see her eyes otherwise she would have noticed them widen in shock. Billie thought about telling Phoebe what she had done but knew that the brunette would be severely disappointed, and bad things happened when people were disappointed, so Billie forced herself to give Phoebe a small smile and nodded.

"Mmm me too. You hungry?" Billie shook her head and Phoebe had to contain her sigh, she missed Billie's sarcastic, witty remarks almost as much as she had missed the girl herself but she knew it would take a while before she heard one. She also had to contain her sigh over the fact that Billie just wasn't eating and the girl was so skinny it made her look incredibly ill. All of her clothes that had once been tight on her were now hanging of her body as they were so baggy and it was worrying Phoebe.

"Thirsty?" Again Billie only shook her head, this time Phoebe did sigh but immediately regretted it when Billie flinched and then tensed as if waiting to be hit. Thinking quickly Phoebe wrapped her arms around the younger girl and made soothing noises in her ear, which soon made Billie relax albeit only slightly.

"Okay then sweetie I'm going to go get the first aid kit so we can clean and re-bandage your back." Billie didn't change her facial expression she in fact the only reaction she had was to move as far away from Phoebe as the bed would let her. Phoebe returned as quickly as she could with one of the many first aid kits in the manor. Unwrapping Billie's back she saw the cuts healing quicker than they usually would._ 'The healing must have worked but not properly. Stupid demons and their stupid magic hurting my Billie. __**My**__ Billie? When did she become __**my**__ Billie? Dammit Phoebe focus just get on with fixing the poor girl! There we go just clean her damn wounds.'_ Phoebe nearly chuckled at her inner monologue, she quickly finished up cleaning Billie's back and re-bandaged it. Smiling at her handy work she put everything back away and returned the first aid kit to its place in the bathroom cabinet.

A light tap on the door caught Phoebe's attention and she stood up to open the door, revealing Piper stood there, still clad in her sleeping clothes.

"Morning." She said smiling at Phoebe then noticing Billie was awake continued. "Good morning Billie are you hungry? I was just about to make breakfast." Billie's eyes were focused on the ground and she had shrunk into herself, Piper could barely make out Billie shake her head she moved that little.

Piper and Phoebe shared a glance. "Would you like to come downstairs today Billie? It's just you, me, Phoebe and Paige today. The boys are with their grandad and Leo has gone golfing." Billie nodded and stood up, shakily, both Piper and Phoebe wanted to rush to the blonde but knew that she wouldn't accept the help. Billie closed her eyes in pain, her thighs had brushed together and her '_Worthless_' had suddenly felt as if it was on fire. Slowly she followed Piper and Phoebe downstairs and into the kitchen.

Piper set about making a big breakfast for them all including Paige who would be coming over shortly and Phoebe went to make some coffee for her, Piper and Paige and made Billie a glass of orange juice. Placing it in front of the blonde and continuing on with the coffee in hopes that Billie would drink it if she didn't make a big deal about two sisters made idle chit chat whilst Billie sat there silently, not moving, trying her hardest to just disappear or blend into the background. She didn't look at anything other than her feet and it was clear to anyone who could see her she was terrified.

Billie was incredibly thirsty, her throat felt so dry she could barely manage to swallow but she couldn't bring herself to drink the orange juice Phoebe had provided. As Piper looked over to her she noticed one thing, her eyes, they were blank, vacant, misted over, not showing anything at all emotional.

"Hey Pheebs could you make the toast?" Piper asked her younger sister taking her attention of the blonde staring at the orange juice. Phoebe nodded and Piper went back to making scrambled eggs.

Billie listened intently. She didn't say anything, didn't act on anything or move but she was listening, waiting for the inevitable, waiting for someone to hurt her. Badly. This was when she smelt it, burning, and all of a sudden she was back there as the demon was slowly burning her thigh. Pressing cigarette butts into her thigh, lighting matches and throwing them onto her stomach watching in sick pleasure as her skin bubbled and burn away. The rancid smell of burning flesh hit her all too hard and Billie began to shake and rock. Piper and Phoebe watched confused as to why the young girl suddenly turned as pale as a sheet, her forehead all clammy and the look of pure panic and fear in her eyes.

"Please. No. Stop." They heard her whispering. Bright lights filled the air as Paige orbed in smiling, the smile soon disappeared as she saw her charge and her sisters.

"No, stop. It hurts please. No, it burns, please stop." Piper connected the dots first. The burning toast had thrown Billie into a flashback. Where the bastards were burning her.

"Paige open the windows and get the smell of the burnt toast out of here. NOW! Phoebe me and you are gonna move Billie into the dining room, we'll try get her to calm down." Piper ordered already moving towards the fearful girl. By the time Paige cleared the kitchen she ran into the dining room to see her sisters still trying to get to Billie who was just continuously saying 'Help.' She was begging, pleaded, her eyes not moving and her stare not seeing. Struggling to breath due to hyperventilating as tears streamed down her face.

So far Phoebe hadn't said anything she was too shocked, seeing Billie like this she wasn't even this bad when they first saved her. Shaking her head to get herself out of her daze she stepped towards Billie. Piper knowing if anyone could reach the tortured girl Phoebe could moved to the side near Paige and watched the interaction intently.

Phoebe had moved over and knelt in front of the broken blonde in the corner. Billie's eyes were focused on the floor as she continued to plead for her life. "Billie?" Phoebe asked carefully, softly, lovingly. "Billie you are not there. They cannot hurt you anymore. They are gone Billie and I promise you that I will never let anyone hurt you ever again." But Phoebe's words were having no effect on the girl. Reaching out slowly with her hand she touched Billie's chin. The girl flinched but Phoebe didn't remove her hand, instead she slowly pushed Billie's face up so that they were looking into each others eyes.

Phoebes' eyes searched Billie's seeing all the fear, pain, panic and hurt in them and Billie for her part looked at Phoebe's eyes and saw nothing. She wasn't with the Charmed one's, she wasn't safe in the manor. She was in the underworld, in her cage, being tortured in the most horrific ways, going through more pain than any creature, human or not, good or evil, should ever have to go through.

"Billie. They _cannot_ hurt you. _I won't let them_." Phoebe said stressing every word but keeping the same loving, caring tone.

"Need to be saved." Billie whispered to herself still not out of her memory. "Not worth saving. Just kill me." Billie began to beg for death shocking all the sisters. Piper gasped her shock but her emotions quickly went from sadness to anger, she wanted to bring those demons back just so she could kill them again. Paige went eerily silent and still, her mind running rampage going through every bad thing that could've happened to her first charge, her best friend. Phoebe on the other hand had tears streaming down her face, she couldn't lose Billie she just couldn't, she had just got her back. Billie was the love of Phoebe's life, Coop had told her and now that love was begging for death. No Phoebe would fix this, she had too.

"Billie you do deserve to be saved. You are worth it, you are worth _everything_. Please Billie, I know this seems hard now and as if you will never survive this but you can, you are so strong, you're the strongest person I know and you can't want to die Billie, you just can't. Please Billie come back to us. Come back to me." Phoebe pleaded.

Billie blinked, her eyes lost their haziness, she quickly scanned her surroundings and realising she was in no imminent danger threw herself into Phoebe's open and awaiting arms and cried. She cried so hard Phoebe thought she was going to break, she cried so hard that Phoebe wanted to take all the pain away. She wanted to kiss every tear away but knew she couldn't. Billie didn't need a relationship at the moment so Phoebe settled on pressing a loving kiss on the girls forehead as she continued to cry.

It took several minutes for Billie to calm down enough and she moved to the table with Phoebe. Piper and Paige had disappeared to go warm the food up but soon returned carrying two plates each. Placing the plates down in front of the designated person everyone began to eat including Billie albeit much slower and much less than the other three.

**A/N: Well there it is. I hope you all enjoyed it. Each review is a hug for poor, broken Billie. :D**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Warning for self-harm. Short chapter this time, sorry.**

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Charmed.**

That night Billie laid in bed pretending to sleep, waiting for the other occupants of the house to fall into a deep sleep. She knew she should just try to sleep but all she could think of was the knife in the bathroom and how good it would feel being ran across her skin. Turning to face Phoebe, Billie made sure she was asleep and wouldn't wake up. After a few moments she got out of the bed and slowly made her way into the bathroom. Grabbing the athame from its hiding place Billie grabbed some toilet roll and sat crossed legged on the floor. Taking a deep breath in Billie slowly and steadily dragged the sharp blade across her right thigh leaving a line of the most exquisite red Billie had ever seen. Watching the blood trickle slowly from her new wound for a few heart beats she grabbed her wad of tissue paper and pressed it roughly against the cut, wincing in pain that was fully welcomed. Billie's other hand was tracing the '_Worthless'_ on her other thigh to remind her of what she was now. Nothing. Broken. Worthless.

After her legs stopped bleeding Billie went back to the bed she was sharing with the middle Charmed sister. As soon as she climbed back into the bed Phoebe moved into her, throwing one arm over the blondes waist as if protecting her from all the bad in the world. Billie immediately felt ashamed, her mind going to her thigh and what the sisters would think if they knew what she was doing. Closing her eyes and trying to keep the tears from falling Billie fell into a fitful sleep.

_"Billie, Billie, Billie, Billie. Now why did you have to do that?" The demon said after Billie spat at him. "All I wanted was a little fun, now I'm going to have to teach you some manners." One punch, two punch, three punch, four. All landing on Billie's ribs, two fractured, one broke but the fun wasn't finished yet. Walking over to a duffel bag in the corner of the cave and pulled out a small bottle. _

_"250 ml of acid." He said walking back over to Billie smiling. Slowly, carefully he began to pour it over the beaten blondes' stomach. Billie didn't scream she refused. Her eyes shone with pain and determination as she bit her lip as to not scream out. _

_"No, still not going to scream. Fine be that way. I like playing." He walked back over to the bag and pulled out to nails and a hammer. Walking back to Billie her grabbed one of her hands and placed the nail in the middle, taking back the hammer he slammed it into the nail. Billie screamed as the nail entered her hand and they both watched as the blood quickly bubbled out of the wound. Before Billie could react he did it to the other hand. Billie screamed again and held the tears back._

_Leaving the nails in he went to retrieve something else from the bag. A small yellow box with two wires coming out of it with crocodile clips on the end. Attaching the wires to the nails in Billie's hand the demon flipped a switch. Billie's body spasmed in pain as she was electrocuted. She screamed until her throat was raw, and after what felt like forever the demon finally turned it off. Black spots clouded her vision but she couldn't pass out yet. That was weakness and Billie wasn't weak. _

"Billie wake up." Phoebe whispered into younger girls ear. "Honey, it's just a dream wake up." Billie's eyes shot open as she breathed heavily. Phoebe stroked her hair and tried to calm her down. Billie closed her eyes again, leaning into the soothing motion.

"Don't let them get me. I don't want to tell them. Please."

"Tell them what sweetie?"

"I can't tell them, he'll hurt. Can't tell them."

"It's okay Billie he's gone he can't hurt anyone now. What can't you tell him?" Phoebe needed to know, she needed to know why those bastards hurt Billie, what information could possible make them do this to such a sweet girl.

Billie took in a shaky breathe. "I can't tell them about the Charmed one's, he'll hurt them, kill them. I- I can't let him hurt them." This information broke Phoebe's heart. Billie went through all that pain to protect her and her sisters. They probably could've fought the demon, killed them but Billie went through all that so they wouldn't have to.

"I have to protect them. I can't let him hurt them, hurt her. Demon free life, they deserve it." Billie whispered. "I have to protect them."

Phoebe stroked Billie's hair and whispered calming, soothing things into her ear until she fell back to sleep. Once she was sure that Billie was asleep she removed herself from the young girls clutches and went to her big sisters room. Knocking on the door, quietly but loud enough for her sister to hear she waited for Piper to come out.

"Pheebs? What's wrong?" Piper asked as she shut the door behind her. Tears were streaming down Phoebe's face. Piper led her younger sister into the kitchen and sat her down before busying herself making cups of teas. Setting one down in front of Phoebe she took a big gulp.

"So what's the matter sweetie?"

"They tortured her Piper. They wanted to know things but she didn't tell them." She said raising her shaky hand to drink some of the calming tea.

"We knew that Pheebs." Piper told her gently.

"They tortured her for information about us Piper. US. She refused to tell them. We could've handle it, whatever they threw at us but she took all that pain. She said and this is an exact quote 'Demon free life, they deserve it.' She went through all that, she willingly accepted her death so that we wouldn't have to fight a demon or two! Why? Why didn't she come to us? Let us help her. We could've protected her." Phoebe sobbed into her mug.

"I don't know Pheebs, you know Billie she's stubborn and she likes protecting others, but we'll get her through this, we'll get her back to normal."

**A/N: So don't forget to review you lovely people. :D**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Hey guys I am so sorry for the delay, writers block and I went on holiday, my dog died and my nan has gone into hospital so I've had no time to write. I do apologise and hope you can all forgive me and that this chapter makes it up to you. It's only short so again sorry.**

**Warning for self harm.**

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Charmed. Never will "/**

Billie was having one of the worst days she had had since being rescued. Every time she closed her eyes, even for a moment, she was back in that damn cave having something unspeakable done to her. She tried to keep these to herself but she was flinching and jumping at the slightest sounds and panicking at the simplest movements . All she could think about was running that cold, soothing blade across her wrist, thigh any part of her body really. That brief moment of calm as she watches the blood trickle out of her, letting her know that she has killed the dirtiness, worthlessness, evilness inside of her.

These were the thoughts going through her mind non-stop during dinner. The fake smile she had on was doing its job, she could tell the sisters believed she was doing better today but actually she was so close to the edge that she couldn't even wrap her mind around the mundane conversation they were having. A nod here, a small smile there, some noise in the back of her throat and they were fooled. Eye contact minimal, she couldn't tell whether her eyes would clue them in on the battle within her but she wasn't going to risk it. They weren't, when the sisters saw her eyes they saw a small bit of the old Billie, but she was gone and Billie couldn't figure out how to get her back. She didn't know if she could get her back, it all seems so worthless now. What had the demons said to her? Oh yeah. '_Let me tell you how the story ends, well the good guys die and the bad guys win.'_ And it was true. Evil always prevailed, it would always be there. So would good but not complete good, no one was ever completely good. They all had the dark thoughts like _'How about I just stop today? I can't be bothered. I mean what is this one person going to do that will help society? It's not like I can save them all so who really cares?'_ so the demons were right, evil always win and that will never change.

It was only thanks to Phoebes' premonition that Billie was alive now. Phoebe was curled up next to her in the bed, a vise like grip on her not letting her go. Why though? Why did she care?

After dinner Billie had quickly excused herself, her thoughts were getting to be too much, she needed the knife, that release. Phoebe had touched the jacket she was wearing that she had taken off half way through the meal and got sucked into one of the most horrendous visions she had ever had. Quickly running upstairs she got to Billie before it was too late. Piper and Paige right behind her.

She wouldn't have slit her wrist downwards if it wasn't for the voice in her head. That damn voice that was telling her that if she cut across the pain, the memories, the demons fucking voice would only go away for a little while BUT if she cut down then he would go away forever.

And that was it. Billies' first suicide attempt, and hopefully her last. The tears the sisters had shed whilst Paige healed her, the comforting words they told her none of it sunk in. Billie was in a stupor. She had stared and not seen, she was unresponsive and it was terrifying the fearless charmed ones.

**A/N: I am so sorry if it was terrible I wrote it at 4 am. All mistakes are mine I just wanted to get something up so you guys didn't think I'd stopped. So leave me a review, it'll motivate me to write more. Thanks guys.**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews guys. Hope you enjoy this chapter.**

"Billie I know you're awake, you're going to have to talk to me sooner or later y'know?" Phoebe said in an exasperated tone, this would be the fifth time that she tried to talk to Billie since her attempted suicide but each time Billie had faked sleep, but this time, this time Phoebe wasn't leaving until she talked to the blonde.

"I don't want to talk." Billie told her, although it was muffled due to the pillow Billie had hid her face in.

"I know Billie, I'd rather not have this talk either but we need it, you need it."

"I don't I get it I was stupid, it won't happen again. Now can you leave me alone?" Billie asked with a hint of desperation in her voice.

"No Billie I won't! Yesterday you tried to commit suicide. Suicide Billie, you tried to kill yourself. Then we see that you carved worthless into your skin. I'm not leaving you alone, I can't."

"What do you want me to say huh?" Billie asked climbing off the bed and looking furious. "That every time I close my eyes, zone out, smell or hear something that could be as simple as burning food or a door slam I go back there. I'm being tortured again. Or that I can still hear their voices ringing in my head, still feel his hands roaming over my body, his hot, sticky breath on my skin! That I can't look at myself in the mirror without feeling completely and utterly disgusted! Or how about the fact that I wish you hadn't found me I wish I died last night, no I wish I died the moment I murdered my sister! Why are you trying to help me?! I don't deserve it. I deserve death! I should've stayed down there, I deserve to be tortured but I was too pathetic to handle the pain. I should've died, I _want_ to die!" Billie practically screeched not realising those few words broke Phoebes' heart.

"No you don't. Billie please don't ever think that. You deserve to live, after everything you've been through you deserve happiness, a life, a wonderful life. Please believe me on this."

"No." Billie said stubbornly. She knew the truth she deserved hell. Or did she?

"Yes Billie yes. You can't want to die, I know things look bleak now and like nothing can get better but it can, it will. You may never fully get over it, you may find that on some days you still jump when something bangs or still dream about it but it won't hurt as much. One day you'll wake up and smile and it will be a real smile. One day you'll be fine. Please_ please_ hold on for that day." Tears were shining in Phoebes eyes as she gave her little speech but Billies' eyes never looked up.

Finally after what seemed like an eternity. Billie nodded. Phoebe sighed with relief, Billie would hold on, eventually she would be fine, Phoebe would make sure of it.

**A/N: I know another short chapter but life is really hectic GCSE results are coming into it now and College basically I'm busy and it sucks. Review please I love hearing from all of you.**


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